I was asked recently about sermons I have preached in the past and where can they be found. So this is my attempt to begin linking to the videos that are out there from various churches and audio that was recorded during my last pastorate in Santa Margarita.

 Salt and Light- preached at The Bridge Bible Church in Bakersfield, CA

Be Upstanding

I love the opportunity to worship in an international church.  We were privileged yesterday to worship at Basel Christian Fellowship in Switzerland.  People from various nations and backgrounds gathered around Christ as Lord. Meeting in the chapel of a retirement home, they come together to worship.  While their native tongues are often something other than English, the service is in English and thus becomes the lingua franca for worship. 

Yet even English has its differences.  Very early in the worship the pastor called us to be upstanding for the first hymn.  For one brief moment I thought he was calling us to high ethical standards.  But the context told me he was asking us to stand up.  That brief moment caused me to shut off my auto pilot and engage in the service as it unfolded.  It is the reason I often will read passages in translations other than the one I use primarily.  It forces me to slow down and stop reading over the top of the story or ideas being communicated.

Being told to join together in upstanding forced me to think about what I was doing in worship.  Oh, that this same intentionality would be my weekly experience in my own culture.  How many times have I gotten deep into the worship service before I realize I am there to worship.  My mind has taken several excursions by then.  When I get back to the U.S. I hope to have an “upstanding” moment every week in which I am quickly called to check back in to worship and turn off the cruise control.

Whether it’s a call to be upstanding or simply a call to worship, my desire is to engage in worship from its beginning and stay engaged to its conclusion.  May we all be upstanding every time we join with other believers to honor God through our worship.

Please Do Not Fall

Upon arriving in Zurich for the first day of our Switzerland, Germany, Netherlands, France trip took a train from our arrival terminal in Zurich to the terminal housing the baggage claim.  (It has the distinction of having the equivalent of a "flip book" along the tunnel with cows mowing and a young woman welcoming you to Switzerland.)  As we disembarked and approached the escalator we were confused to hear a voice over the loud speakers stating, “Please do not fall.”  We looked at each other and began to giggle.  A few moments later, as we began our ascent on the escalator, we heard the voice again.  “Please do not fall.”  It was only as we heard the voice a third time near the top of the escalator that we both realized the voice was actually saying, “Please do not board,” a reference to the train as the doors were about to close, not the escalator.  What we took as a command from Captain Obvious turned out to be a command from those concerned with passenger safety.  Somehow the acoustics in the building, our jet lag and maybe a slight German accent turned the word “board” into the word “fall.”

Once we listened carefully we were able to hear the words as they were, not as we thought they were.  It took three times to hear accurately what was intended for our safety but which we had dismissed as superfluous.

How often do we also fail to hear accurately the words of God and dismiss them as either unintelligible or as unimportant?  This is why we must continue to listen carefully and take into consideration context and the actual words spoken so that we might better understand and respond to what it is God is saying rather than what we think God is saying.  In the case of the public address announcement it turned out that it was directed at those near the train, not those near the escalator.  And the words were a specific statement (do not board), not a general statement (do not fall).  So it is with much of Scripture.  We need to be careful about making general statements too specific (glorify God in your body=do not eat red meat OR husbands love your wives as Christ loves the church=have a date night once a week) and specific statements too general (fasting=refrain from something/anything OR forsake not assembling together=meet over coffee with another believer).

Hearing clearly takes time, energy and intentionality.  For those of us privileged to own our own copies of Scripture the opportunity and the responsibility to handle accurately the Word of God increases.  While it is true that the Zurich airport did not want us to fall, it was even more true that they did not want us to board.  Both were important truths, but one was actually what the airport wanted to communicate while the other was was only what we thought they might be telling us.  May we all get better at hearing what God is actually saying rather than what we think or hope He is saying.  It will make all the difference in the world.

Eschew Obfuscation

This past Saturday Sharon and I had a yard sale to try to sell off many items of ours, but also of Anina’s.  Since her passing in April, Sharon has been going through Anina's closets and dressers and had finally gathered all the items that should be sold or given away.

On Saturday I parked our van out near a busy intersection with a sign that read, Yard Sale, 7-12.  It also had an arrow pointing toward our house.

When I was about to walk back from our van to the house a couple pulled up behind the van and wanted to know if the sale was next Saturday.  I told them it was today and sent them on toward the house.  Later in the morning someone else at the sale asked if we were holding it both that day and next Saturday. Finally it dawned on us that people were reading 7-12 not as the hours of the sale (which was our intent) but the date of the sale (which happens to be the date for next Saturday).

What a vivid reminder that communication is always a challenge.  We thought it was obvious that 7-12 indicated the hours of the sale (I did go back later and add AM and PM to try to make it clearer).  Why would you post a sign for a yard sale the following week?  Even those of us who like to plan ahead would not post signs a week ahead for a yard sale.  But what was so clear in our heads was not so clear on the poster.

In marriages and churches the challenge is the same.  What is so clear in our own heads fails to communicate when it is spoken or written.  Our experience last Saturday reminded me how careful we need to be in communicating clearly but also how often we fail to communicate what we mean and need to clarify.  Our challenge is both to be willing to give more information when it is obvious the person doesn’t understand and also the need for all of us to ask for clarification when we don’t understand in a way that doesn’t have an edge to it.  (Those of you who have painted or wallpapered or done remodeling with your spouse know what I’m talking about.)

Sharon and I have gotten better at this over the years but we still hit days or short seasons when it seems the other person must be talking a foreign language or they are simply not being clear.  And churches even more so.  Just go visit a new church and see how difficult it is to know what’s going on or who to contact or where things are.

It happens to all of us.  Let’s eschew obfuscation and be willing to ask for clarification with grace and be willing to offer clarification with grace.  The effort is worth in the long run.

Declaration of Dependence

A number of years ago as I approached the Fourth of July holiday I sat down to write my Declaration of Dependence.  Here is what resulted:

When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the bands of the enemy, the devil, which have subtlely, but surely bound them together, it is important to declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

          
The devil has deceived me into believing that God does not know what is best for me, therefore I doubt and question God’s Word.

The devil has deceived me into believing that I can live without daily communion with my Savior.

The devil has deceived me into believing that my sin isn't really very bad when compared to others.

The devil has deceived me into believing that compromise on spiritual issues is necessary if I am going to get along in this world.

The devil has deceived me into believing that I should possess whatever I desire.

          I therefore, a child of God by faith in Jesus Christ do, in the name of the Almighty God, who loved me and gave himself for me, solemnly publish and declare that I am, and ought to be free of my allegiance to the devil, and dependent upon God for my daily life.    As a dependent child of God I am free to pray, read God’s Word, and fellowship with other Christians.  I will endeavor to exercise these freedoms, rather than take them for granted.    And for the support of this Declaration, with firm reliance on God, I pledge to my heavenly Father my Life, my Fortune, and my sacred Honor.

The Best Ever in the Whole Wide World

This morning as I was helping Abby, my three-year-old granddaughter, out of our van, she spontaneously said to me, “Papa, you are the best” [slight pause] “ever” [slightly longer pause] “in the whole wide world.”  I’m not sure what prompted this exclamation or what it was that made me the best or why it had taken her three years to notice this truth about me, but it did my heart good to be viewed as the “best ever in the whole wide world.”

I have been known to rail against the cultural phenomenon of awarding prizes, trophies and accolades to every student in the class simply because they are in the class and not because they actually did anything of note.  But I have to tell you, being given this epithet from Abby, not on the basis of a studied comparison of all other Papas but simply because I’m HER Papa was water for my soul.

Maybe there is something to be said for more freely giving the people around us a word of affirmation, even if we can’t quantify exactly what it is that makes them special to us and the world around them.  Sometimes just being part of our world is reason enough.

Forty Years—One Promise

[The following blog was originally written as a column in the Santa Margarita Community Church Communique on the occasion of Sharon and my twentieth wedding anniversary.  On June 8 Sharon and I will have doubled that number to forty.  I have done some minor edits, but this blog is essentially the same as it was twenty years ago except the number is now forty instead of twenty and my amazement at the mystery of marriage has grown exponentially.  My feelings about, understanding of and appreciation for marriage (and Sharon) are the same, only more so.]

Forty years ago this month a young man with long sideburns, wire-rimmed glasses and “flared” slacks stood next to a long-haired young woman holding a strawflower bouquet and made a promise to her that he fully intended to keep.  His bride also made a promise that she fully intended to keep.  The fear they felt was not only stage fright, it was also the audaciousness of the promise about to be made.  The promise contained four crucial commitments.

The promise contained a comprehensive commitment.  It was not some vague promise, but an inclusive, far-reaching promise.  It included not only our worth and goodness, it also included our weakness and sin.  It encompassed every aspect of who we were and who we would become.  It meant that everything of our individual lives was now blended into one life. The mystery of two, yet one, resulting in a pulling together in the same direction.  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once wrote, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”

The promise contained a commitment with no conditions.  If conditions had been introduced into those promises, it would have been bound by time and circumstances.  “I do” is temporal.  It is limited to the moment.  “I will” is a statement without conditions and with no expiration date.  “I do” has an unspoken “so long as” clause attached.  So long as what?  So long as he is faithful to her?  So long as she doesn’t find a better relationship?  So long as we both get all our needs met by the other?  No relationship can stand the weight of these conditions.  By its very nature this promise had to be without conditions if the relationship was ever to be the safe place that would allow for growth as individuals and as a couple.

The promise contained a commitment of faith.  We had little idea who it was we were marrying or what we would be in six months, to say nothing of forty years.  The English poet, Samuel Rogers wrote, “It does not much matter whom one marries as one is sure to find the next morning it is someone else.”  Without faith in the promise, fear creeps in and whispers that the relationship was built on someone we were then, not who we are now.  Without guile we told ourselves (and each other) that we were different people than we actually were.  We put our best selves forward.  Now that our real selves have been revealed over the years, our real selves continue to remain faithful to the promise.

The promise contained a commitment to forgiveness.  Without this we would lack the most important tool for facing and healing the troubles that marriage would create between us.  We had no idea then what those troubles would be.  We have a much clearer idea now.  Nothing we brought to the marriage—feelings of love, good intentions, skill in communication—could heal hurts like forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the only tool that honestly names the hurt and provides the ability to heal.  It takes time.  It takes grace.  It takes the experience of God’s forgiveness.

The marriage promise was, and still is, the most important promise anyone can make.  As C.S. Lewis pointed out, “No one can promise to go on feeling a certain way.  He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry.”  When that young couple made those promises, it wasn’t a promise to feel, it was a promise to be. Through all the good times and all the difficult times this promise has held us together. The promise didn't guarantee a successful marriage, but it create the rich soil in which the marriage might grow.  And it did.

I once wrote (and maybe borrowed from some uncredited author), “Long after the bouquets have dried and crumbled and the photo album has yellowed with age, this promise will be alive and well.”  It was true then.  It is true now.  If I had it to do all over again…I would.

Lesterday

Recently I was playing with my granddaughter, Raya.  I don’t remember what I was talking with her about but she said, “Lesterday, when I was little…”  Raya is four.

To Raya any event in life that happened before today happened "lesterday."  There are no distinctions made for last week, last month, last year.  Time has only three categories for Raya.  "Lesterday, today, and tomorrow.  She begins every day with a clean slate.  Tomorrow hasn't happened. "Lesterday" is gone.  She remembers some events from "lesterday," but they don't affect today.  She doesn't get stuck on what happened "lesterday."  Her focus is today.

In Isaiah God says, “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” (Isaiah 43:25 ESV)

God cannot be God and be unable to remember, so this inability to remember must be different than the actual event of recalling things.  It is clear from this passage and others that God doesn’t remember our sins in a way in which He holds them to our account.  As Eugene Peterson translates the Isaiah passage, "But I, yes I, am the one who takes care of your sins—that's what I do. I don't keep a list of your sins." (Isaiah 43:25 MSG)

Is this what the apostle Paul had in mind when he wrote, “No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (Philippians 3:13-14 NLT)

Paul could certainly remember the past.  He made a point of not remembering it in a way that kept him from moving forward.  One of the things I’ve noticed over the more than forty years of knowing Jesus is that sin sets me back but the remembering of that sin with shame and discouragement also sets me back.  Either way the accuser has me neutralized because I’m focused on my "lesterday."  Paul says he can forget his past because God does.

Raya doesn’t keep a list of what happened "lesterday."  She’s too busy living today to the full.  There will come a time when her memory is developed enough to remember and learn from what happened before today, but I pray she can, like Paul, forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead in her relationship with God.

I Knew This Would Happen

I knew this would happen.  I really wasn’t surprised.  It has happened before. Many of you have been there before me and could have reminded me.

During my sabbatical I joined a gym.  One of the goals of my sabbatical was to drop about five pounds and firm up what was left.  Initially Sharon and I went to the gym quite consistently three times each week.  Just before Anina passed away and our schedules were thrown for a loop, it was actually getting easier to go to the gym and my body was beginning to show progress.  There were abdominal muscles that could be felt even when they could not yet be seen.

But that was weeks ago.  This morning I went back to the gym for the first time in a long time.  I couldn’t just pick up where I left off.  It wasn’t totally like starting over, but it was close.

Last Sunday, as part of the worship at Santa Margarita Community Church, Matt Daniels shared a quote:  “Grow daily, or die gradually.”  If we fail to keep exercising our relationship with Christ, there are aspects of it that will atrophy.  He doesn’t change, but we do.  I still remember Dr. John G. Mitchell asking us at Multnomah School of the Bible, “Do we sin, resulting in broken fellowship with God, or do we break fellowship with God resulting in sin?”  (I think the answer is “yes,” but feel free to weigh in on the debate.)

When it comes to physical exercise, the good news is I can begin again.  The bad news is it will take more time and cost me more energy than if I had simply kept exercising.

When it comes to fellowship with Jesus, the good news is I can begin again.  The bad news is it will take more time and cost me more energy than if I had simply kept nurturing the relationship.  (This is also true of human-to-human relationships, by the way.)

So here's to starting again. It's beats the alternative of simply giving up and giving in to atrophy.

Life Stages

It has been suggested that there are three common, but not inevitable, stages through which a local church often passes.

The first is the Risk-taker stage.  At this stage the church is reaching out, touching lives for Jesus Christ.  A church in the Risk-taker stage is more concerned with the need of their neighbors to know Jesus and less concerned about the color of the carpet.  The main concern is how they can best build bridges to their not-yet-saved friends.  There is no one else to do what needs to be done, so the members see themselves as ministers, the church leadership as equippers and their day-to-day world as their own personal mission field.  The Risk-taker church is looking outward.

The second stage is the Caretaker stage.  With growth in the church comes the need for increased formal structures to keep the wheels of ministry within the church running smooth.  If they weren’t so busy running to church activities, they might have time to talk with their neighbors about the good news of Jesus Christ.  Instead of building bridges, the church builds walls to keep out those who are not like them.  The members now see themselves as the many who support the ministry of the few.  The Caretaker church is looking inward.

The third stage is the Undertaker stage.  The operation was a success but the patient died.  The saddest aspect of this stage is that often churches continue for decades without anyone noticing that the body died years ago.

Eugene Peterson made the accurate observation that, “Nothing is more common in the life of the Spirit than to begin right and end wrong.”  So how can a church remain in the Risk-taker stage?  Is it possible to avoid the Caretaker and Undertaker stages?  The answer, it seems to me, is a qualified “yes.”   It requires vigilance that keeps asking the right questions and then acting on the answers.  “Are we building bridges or walls?”  “Are we looking outward or inward?”  Are we equipping the saints to do the work of ministry or paying the staff to do the work of ministry?”

Take a few minutes to ask those three questions.  Then take even more time to decide what to do about the answers to those questions.  Then take even more time to do something about the answers to those questions.

No church consciously wants to be like the surgeon in Herman Melville's White Jacket who invites other surgeons to watch him perform an amputation on the leg of a seaman.  He lectures on anatomy, surgical techniques, and the many difficult operations he's performed in the past. As he proceeds with the amputation, the patient keeps wailing and passing out. But the doctor ignores the cries as he continues his lengthy lecture.  Finally, the steward of the ship interrupts the doctor and says, "Please, sir, the patient is dead."

The First Day of My Post-Sabbatical Life

I woke up this morning to discover only 5 emails in my EFCA West inbox.  I have been on sabbatical for 13 weeks and there were only 5 emails in my EFCA West inbox.  How is that possible?

It took some planning.  By the end of yesterday I deleted all email that had come into my inbox during those 13 weeks without reading it.  (I did warn anyone who had written me during the 4 weeks prior to my sabbatical.)

This simple step of deleting the contents of my inbox by the end of my sabbatical was brilliant and it has given me freedom to start doing the important things today instead of trying to discern which email really needed my attention.  It worked so well I think I’ll use this anytime I’m going to be gone a week or longer.  Who wants to take all that rest you’ve experienced and lose it in the first few minutes of your first day back by having all those unanswered emails?

Yesterday I told someone my sabbatical is not what I planned but what God knew I needed.  Sharon was quick to add, "And what I needed."  It was a season with more stress but fewer deadlines.  It was a season of lower expectations but increased joy.  It was a season of poor timing but rich reward.  I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I gained for any of the plans I lost.

What else did I learn on my sabbatical?

• While I am in no hurry to get there, I’m going to be o.k. when it comes time to retire.
• Expectations are funny things.
• The Rolling Stones were right, “You can’t always get what you want.”
• A life well-lived is the result of thousands of small choices.
• Even after almost 40 years, my wife still likes spending time with me.
• While I’m not indispensable, I am missed when I’m gone.
• Grieving takes many forms.
• As Mr. Darcy said, “My good opinion once lost is lost forever.”  (Well, maybe not forever, but for a very long time.)
• My grandchildren are above average.
• I like my ministry.  I love my life.

Mother's Day Without Mothers

Sunday is Mother’s Day.  My daughter Kelli and I are plotting how best to pull off a Mother’s Day meal at our house with our oven being non-functional.  I’m sure we’ll figure something out so that Sharon doesn’t have to do the work and Kelli gets to be the representative for our three children.

What is different this year for Sharon and me is that we have both lost our mothers in the last few months.  My mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on January 28 and Sharon’s mom passed more slowly and expectedly on April 14.  So this year is the first Mother’s Day without mothers.

Many of you have already experienced this, but this is new for us and it kind of takes away our role as celebrants.  Certainly Sharon will be celebrated, as she should be, but she and I have no mothers here to celebrate. I will be giving Sharon a present as I always do because she is the mother of my children.  But I have no mother to buy-a-card-for-at-the-last-minute-and-hope-it-gets-to-Coeur d’Alene-in-time and Sharon has no mother to express her love and appreciation to in the flesh.

It just highlights our loss again.  I’m sure the year will be full of those.  For all of us who have lost loved ones, the first year is the hardest but it never goes back to normal.  Sunday will be another reminder of King David’s statement about losing his son who died shortly after birth.  He said,  “I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.”

We will celebrate our moms on Sunday.  They just won’t be here to appreciate it.  But if you asked either of them if they want to return here to be part of the celebration, I’m sure they’d both turn down the opportunity.  They’re enjoying their new life too much to want to come back here to the world of limitations.  And we, who still live here, will have to adjust to those limitations yet again.  Like a Mother’s Day without mothers.

"Do you want to play with us?"

“Do you want to play with us?”  It’s a question I get asked about a dozen times a day when the grandgirls are here.  Abby just turned 3 and Raya turned 4 just a couple months ago.  They are here three days each week and as you know if you read my blog they now have a room dedicated to fun and naps. I continue to have my office in my home, just a short distance from their room.  It would certainly be different (and emotionally easier) if I had an office somewhere else.  But I don’t.  And so the question comes with regularity.

It’s Abby who most often asks the question.  How do I nuance the answer for a three-year-old?  “Yes, I WANT to play with you, but no I CAN'T because I have something else to do right now.”  I do want to play with them.  So my answer is a definite yes.  But even on sabbatical I have a few things I need to do so it doesn’t turn into an extended vacation.  (I include this in case my boss, Steve Highfill reads my blog.)

It would be easier to answer if Abby asked, “CAN you play with us now, Papa?”  But she doesn’t ask that.  She asks if I WANT to play with her.  No equivocation on the answer to that question.  Yes, Abby, I do.

Life is full of situations where we want to do something.  Something good.  Something life-giving.  But life is also full of responsibilities which we may or may not want to do, but it must be done whether we want to or not.  There will be a time when Abby understands that.  But in this season of her life her responsibility is to play and learn and be extremely cute and sometimes ornery.

The challenge for those of us who lean heavily toward fulfilling our responsibility is making sure we balance that with the need for nurturing relationships.

Even my above-average granddaughters will not remember many specifics of these early years but they will have a general sense, an ethos, of what it was like to be at Papa and Lola’s house.  I don’t want that impression to be one of always being second to fulfilling a responsibility.  Always being second to fulfilling an obligation.  So, throughout the day, I take short breaks to read with them, play on the floor with them and turn the record over for them (yes, they listen to vinyl at my house).  I still get my responsibilities fulfilled. But I also have the distinct privilege of getting to do what I want to do.  I get to help in the raising of my grandchildren in such a way that they learn life is full of both/and.  Responsibility and Fun.  Obligation and Freedom.

I’ll close for now.  I want to go play.  And I can.

Dominoes

After taking a few days away, Sharon and I have begun some reconfiguring of Anina’s house.  There are plans to eventually do a home make-over (not of the extreme kind), but for now we’re simply repurposing some of the rooms in the house.

Anina’s bedroom, where the children loved to play, is becoming the grandkid room with a twin bed, toddler bed and tons of books and puzzles (all of which resided at various seasons in the living room, den or office).  In order to turn the bedroom into a grandchild’s paradise we had to remove the terribly outdated blue shag carpet along with the padding underneath.  As we removed the padding we discovered tiles beneath.  When finally we removed the carpet, padding and tiles, we washed the concrete floor thoroughly.  Then we moved the foam floor tiles from the garage play area into the room.  We moved the toddler bed out of Anina’s office where it’s been for a few months now.  We moved the toy box out of the living room where it’s been for years.  We moved book cases out of the hallway and my garage office.  

Anina's room is becoming the grandkids room, the office is becoming the guest room, the den is becoming my office, the TV is moving from the den into the rearranged living room, the sewing table is moving from the den into the guest room and the garage is becoming a garage.  No wonder I'm tired.

Moving things from one room into another created a domino effect.  In fact over the space of a few days we must have looked at each other and said, “Dominoes” at least a couple dozen times.  There were times we inwardly hesitated to move forward knowing a series of other changes would be needed as the result of one small change.

The feelings this created in me seemed very familiar.  Then I began to realize why.  Throughout my walk with Christ he has invited me to make a small change.  But it didn’t take long in this relationship with him to know that while the change he was asking for wasn’t that big, it inevitably led to a domino effect.  That one small change brought me to a place of another change.  And another.  And another.

The feelings I identified during these past few days related to the rooms are the same ones I’ve felt when Christ has called me to go further up and further in.  I sometimes hesitate because I know it’s not the last of the changes.  Like the changes in the rooms that are dependent upon other changes, the changes God calls me to are often dependent on other changes.  While the process of changing the rooms makes me tired and sore at the end of each day, the end result is immensely satisfying and useful to others.  In the same way, the process of change in my life often leaves me tired and sore, but the end result is immensely satisfying and helpful to others.

If I stop anywhere along the process, whether with the rooms in my home or my growth in Christ, because I am unwilling to make the additional changes brought about by the previous changes, then I cannot complete the house or come to maturity because no room stands in isolation to the others and neither can any areas of my life be cordoned off and isolated from the others.

My life-long prayer has been that God will not stop making the changes in me that move me to be more like Jesus.  It isn’t always fun, but it is always worth it. With eyes wide open I choose to make the change, knowing it won't be the last and, in most cases, I have no idea what's coming next.  It is probably good I don't know about the tile beneath the padding beneath the carpet of my life.  I'd think twice about removing the carpet.

Transitions

Transitions have always been a challenge for Sharon and me.  So this new season in which we no longer have to consider Anina’s needs or wants will be a bit of a challenge.  As Sharon and I departed for our three-day get away Sharon noted that it was going to be interesting to see if we still have things to talk about now that Anina is gone.  Both explicitly and implicitly, Anina always had to be considered, much as our children did when they were still living at home.  They were not the center of our world, but they were definitely a primary consideration in choices and changes.

We have been here before.  When our three very special children had all launched there was a brief season in which we did not have to take them into consideration as a primary factor in what we would do or where we would go or how we would spend our time or money.  Then in 2006 we made the decision to be near, and eventually move in with, my mother-in-law in Southern California.  An interesting thing I noticed is that living with Anina was similar to living with children, but in reverse. 

When we first moved in with her it was like having nearly-grown children.  She didn’t have to ask permission to go places or do things, she just had to let us know where she was.  And vice-versa.  As the time went on she became more dependent on us, which was more like raising younger children.  At the end it became like having a baby.  We couldn’t really be gone without having someone to sit with her.  We had to factor in the costs of caregiving when deciding what we could and couldn’t do.

On these days away we are only briefly talking about what comes next.  We are mostly just relaxing, reading, reflecting and being restored before life begins to take on the “new normal” with the end of my sabbatical and the renewing of our life commitments like grandchildren and our home group.  What will be different is the level of stress and sense of responsibility for Anina which will be gone.  If the life group wants to stay past 9:30 pm they can.  If the grandkids want to be a bit noiser in the afternoon when Anina used to rest, they can.  And we can journey to the Central Coast more often to visit Jedidiah and his parents.

Next week we will begin our transition in earnest as we begin to clear out closets and the garage and rearrange our living spaces.  It will be difficult but our new lives will also begin to take shape.  If you’re one of those who prays, pray for us as we journey into the next season of our lives.  Choices have consequences. We want to make choices that will benefit each other and those around us.  We want to bear fruit that reflects the character of God.  We typically don't do transitions well.  Maybe that's why God keeps giving us opportunities to practice.

Live Until You Die

It is true that often we do not get much of a choice in what we are able to do as we age.  Physical or mental limitations hinder us from living our lives as we would like.  But for those who are blessed by being able to keep their mental faculties and maintain some mobility I have a question.  Are you going to live until you die?

What prompts this question is the memorial service for my mother-in-law, Anina Walberg.  She went on short term missions trips to Venezuela with Peace Officers for Christ when she was 79 and again at 80.  She maintained a mailing ministry and did bookkeeping for a preschool until this past December at age 96.  She continued to call individuals and sing them a version of the birthday song that called on God to bless the person whose birthday it was up until days before she passed away.

All of us are given gifts and abilities.  And like a fruit tree, these resources are not intended for our own consumption.  Our fruit is produced to be used by someone else.  As a pastor I have seen far too many people launch their children and then begin to focus on themselves for the next four decades or so.  Or people with small children focus on nothing but their own family for the first couple decades.  What the Bible seems clear about is using our gifts throughout our lives.  

It is true that some seasons create some limitations.  Our time in SoCal was committed to Anina and that time commitment increased as her health deteriorated.  Even in this season we were able to use our talents to help others.  In most seasons in our lives there is enough time and energy to involve ourselves in the lives of others (in a healthy way) so that they are blessed and we get to use our gifts.

If you’re interested in hearing how Anina lived until she died, you can watch her memorial on YouTube.  She lived well.  She died well.  And as a result she is honored at her memorial service.

How Was Your Sabbatical?

“How was your sabbatical?”  I was in Minneapolis at the EFCA headquarters this past week for two important meetings.  This was the first question from my friends as they saw me in the hallways.

I had to pause a minute to think about that.  First, I pointed out I technically have two more weeks, so I’m still on sabbatical.  Second, I reiterated it wasn’t much like what I had envisioned but it was everything I and my family needed it to be.  My mother passed away a few days before the sabbatical began and my mother-in-law passed away last week so my sabbatical was basically bookended by the passing of two significant people in my life.  That meant being there for my family and having them there for me.

As I thought more about it I pointed out that my availability for my family in this season, I’d like to think, would have been roughly the same if I had not been on sabbatical.  The big difference is that because our team knew I was on sabbatical they had already adjusted their life and schedule in ways that did not factor me in.  My focus on the family did not impact anyone else on the team as it would have done if I had not been on sabbatical.  For that I give thanks.

As my sabbatical has unfolded I have become more comfortable with the fact that while there are a number of things that did not turn out as I had imagined and planned them, God has given me some great uninterrupted time with family and with Himself that are irreplaceable.  I have been more “there” for the early weeks of my youngest grandson’s life.  I have been more “there” for my father as he adjusts to life in SoCal instead of northern Idaho.  I have been more “there” for my wife as she has navigated caring for her mother and caring for our grandchildren.  I have been more “there” for my mother-in-law during her last days here.  And I was definitely more “there” at the moment she passed from time into eternity.  Much of this I would have missed had I been working, but I would have also missed more if I had kept to my original sabbatical schedule.

How was my sabbatical?  The final tally isn’t in, but the voting is heavily leaning toward “not much of what I originally wanted” but “all of what I really needed.”  The remnant of my original plan for the last two weeks, based on input from several friends who have taken sabbaticals, is to lay pretty low, spending time relaxing and refreshing.  That’s the plan.  We’ll see how that works out.

Great, Now I Have Guilt

Today there are no appointments on my calendar and no tasks that really HAVE to be done.  Because I’m in Minneapolis there are no chores to do around my house.  I have no meetings at EFCA because I’m on sabbatical.  I’m trying to remember the last time I wasn’t on vacation but found myself with an entire unspoken-for day.  Even my weekly Sabbath includes attending church.

I slept in until 8:45.  I sauntered downstairs for the hotel’s forgettable breakfast.  I’ve read and answered some email, read my Bible, journaled and spent some time in prayer.  I showered but not shaved.  I sat to write a blog and this is what came out.

The funny thing is that I feel some pressure to decide what I will do for the rest of the day.  Unfortunately the Spurs game is on NBA TV which the hotel does not have in its lineup (nor do I at home).  And who cares about the Eastern Conference games?  My biggest decisions are whether to go downtown to the Spaghetti Factory or eat at Famous Dave’s at MOA.

Can you feel the tension mounting?  What happens if I reach the end of the day and have done nothing of significance?  What if Sharon, who has so many projects related to her mom’s memorial service on Saturday, finds out I slept part of the day and watched old episodes of Leverage?  As the dinosaur in Toy Story says, "Great, now I have guilt."

I have always claimed I do not find my significance in what I do.  Today I was reminded that that is a lie.  It’s not where I find my greatest significance, but it often runs a close second.  Know what I mean?

Well, I have to go now.  I have nothing to do but I have to hurry up and not do it.  It will make me feel better.

Thanks for Listening

On Monday, April 14 my mother-in-law passed away.  On Thursday, April 17 we received a cold call from a real estate company.  They asked for Anina.  When Sharon said she had passed away just a few days before the sales person didn’t skip a beat when asking, “Are you a Walberg?  We have people interested in buying in your area.”  Sharon was so taken aback she didn’t know quite how to respond.  I think she finally blurted out something to the effect, “I just told you my mother died.  Thank you for your concern. (This last sentence dripped with sarcasm that I am sure was lost on the caller.)

After I recovered from hearing the story I phoned the number back and got a salesman named Mike.  I asked for whoever was supervising the cold calls.  Mike held his hand lightly over the phone and yelled to someone that a caller wanted to talk to the supervisor.  The supervisor was busy telling the crew to close up for the night and told Mike to tell me he would call me back.

Mike came back on the line and said the supervisor was in a meeting (Lie 1) and that he would call me back (Lie 2).  (As of today I have still not received a call back.)  Mike asked what my call was about so I related the story.  His first response was, “Maybe the salesperson wasn’t listening when your wife told him her mom had died.”  I literally held the phone away from my ear and looked at it.  I asked Mike if that is how the salespeople are trained.  To not listen.  He assured me that was not the case.  I assured Mike the salesperson had listened to the words my wife spoke because of his response asking if she was a Walberg.  In other words, he heard enough to want to pursue whether Sharon had the ability to sell the house.

I tell this story so that I can vent my frustration.  It is clear that my emotions are raw at this season and I feel protective of my wife and her emotions.  Thanks for listening.  You are a true friend.

But I also tell it because we pastor-types, we ministry leaders, can often have the same laser focus on what we want to communicate or what we want to get done and although we hear the words people speak we do not hear the backstory.  We fail to listen long enough and close enough to pick up the context of their answer and its implications for their life and ministry with us as a Body.  We have a goal in mind and we don’t want to be confused with a storyline that doesn’t fit our scenario.  We, in pure point of fact, use people instead of shepherding them.  We size them up to fit into our ministry scheme.  We see new people who attend in terms of their potential contribution to the mission.  Gifts, money, time.  These are the commodities we trade in.  It ought not to be so. 

These are the people God has sent to both receive and to give to the local church. But our role is not, primarily, about recruiting.  It is not, primarily, about finding them a place in our strategy.  It is, primarily, about making disciples.  Followers of Jesus.  As Larry Osborne is quick to say, disciple is not a fancy term. It means follower or learner.  It says nothing about the quality of their following or learning.  It says nothing about their willingness to fit into our program.  It says everything about the direction they are going. 

My take-away from the phone call last Thursday is a desire that God deliver me from ever relating to people the way the salesperson related to Sharon.  I don’t want to be the guy that is so fixated on the goal that I miss the person.

I Wanna Be Dead

When we knew that Anina was entering her last days we talked about how we wanted to prepare our two granddaughters (Raya, aged 4 and Abby, aged 3).  They are at the house with us and their great-grandma (whom they refer to as grandma) three days a week and grandma's dying could not be hidden as she became less mobile and more bedridden.  We talked to them about how sick grandma was and how one day grandma would leave us to be with Jesus.  Last Saturday the girls went into Anina's room to say goodbye because they were going home.  They each gave her a kiss and grandma placed her hand on each of their heads in a very "matriarchal blessing" kind of way.  By the time the girls had returned on Tuesday, Anina had stepped into eternity.

Sharon and I decided to keep Anina's room, including the hospital bed, just as it had been for the past five weeks.  On Tuesday we let the girls climb up on Anina's now empty bed.  They got to raise and lower the head and foot of grandma’s hospital bed for each other and Kristi took them for a ride around the block in grandma’s wheel chair.

On Wednesday morning the girls repeated their adventures with grandma's supplies.  That afternoon the medical supply company came and took back the hospital bed, the wheel chair, the oxygen tanks and other medical supplies.  On Wednesday night we moved Anina’s twin bed back into the room.

When the girls arrived yesterday they climbed onto the bed and began looking for the controls that would elevate the bed.  They were disappointed to find that the bed was just an ordinary bed again.

Just a short while later Raya was lying on the floor and Abby came to get me from my home office.  “Coco is sick” she said.  I went out to the living room and picked Coco (Raya) up.  Abby told me I needed to take her to grandma’s bed.  When I lay Raya down, I said to Abby, “Coco is sleeping.”  Raya said, “No, I’m dead.”  At that point Abby piped up, “I wanna be dead.”  (Abby wants to do whatever Raya is doing and she figured it must be her turn.)

We wanted our granddaughters to see death as part of life but I don’t think I was prepared for them to "play dead.”  As a culture we have removed dying from the home and institutionalized it.  In his book, The Christian Art of Dying, Allen Verhey points out that in 1945, 40% of deaths occurred in a hospital.  By 1995, 90% of deaths occurred in a hospital.  In fifty short years our culture removed dying from the daily-ness of life.

I am still astounded when 20 and 30-somethings tell me they have never been to a funeral or a memorial service for anyone.  My oldest daughter, who has been to many memorial services, pointed out that being with her grandma when she died was the first time she had been around a dead body.

At first I was a bit taken aback by Raya and Abby’s game of death but then I remembered what Jesus said during a discussion about John the baptizer.  John was very austere and people didn’t respond.  Jesus was very gracious and people didn’t respond.  To illustrate how the people didn’t like either Jesus’ or John’s ministry, Jesus said, “They are like children playing a game in the public square. They complain to their friends, ‘We played wedding songs, and you didn’t dance, so we played funeral songs, and you didn’t weep.’” (Luke 7:32  NLT)  Evidently my granddaughters’ game has a long and illustrious history.  I have seen them play wedding.  I had never seen them play dead.

I’m not sure we’re ready as a culture to put the body on a door and leave it in the living room for a few days while everyone comes by to express their condolences (although I can see the advantages), but I do think we would be more mindful of our lives if we were more aware of our deaths.  I’m not sure I want my granddaughters playing “I wanna be dead” all the time, but I do want them to grow up knowing that physical death is part of earthly life.  I want death to hold no fear for them because they, like their great-grandma Anina, know that the life, death and resurrection of Jesus changes death from something to be feared to something to be welcomed.  Death, as Billy Graham once said, goes from being a hopeless end to being an endless hope.

As the writer to the Hebrew Christians put it: "Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham. Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people.  (Hebrews 2:14-17 NLT)

On this week that looks back at the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus we can say along with Paul, "'O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?' For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NLT)