Now If I Could Just Figure Out How We Did It...

I have three amazing adult children. My oldest is the Director of Personnel at a school for children of missionaries (Third Culture Kids). My middle is involved with her local church as an AWANA staff member and children's choir director. My youngest has just accepted a position as Jr High Pastor at his church.

The fact that my three grew up in a pastor's home, and yet they are each deeply, personally involved in ministry (two of them vocationally) is astounding and incredibly satisfying. I know there are miles to go before they sleep, but the fact that at ages 29, 25 and 23 they are following Jesus and have committed significant portions of their time, money and energy in doing so, is a blessing almost beyond words.

Don't get me wrong. Their involvement doesn't automatically mean they are more "spiritual" than their peers. But it does mean that they get it. Following Jesus is not something you do simply on Sunday. Or when it's convenient. It is a life-long series of choices to intentionally invest in a relationship with God and with people.

The other thing that brings a smile to my face and a deep joy is knowing that however well or poorly I have pastored over the years, at least it wasn't so bad that my kids decided they would never want to be part of ministry. They haven't run in the other direction. They have run toward Jesus. That's not something I can put on a resume, but it is something that will bring a "well done" from God. Now if I could just figure out how we did it. I guess like most things that honor God, it is part of the mystery of God's work in me and my response to Him. I'm just glad I get to be part of it.

Living with Dis-ease

My friends will tell you that the past year, with its many transitions, has been difficult for me. Just about the time I think we're done transitioning, we move into another permutation of life. Sharon and I have had to decide how we were going to respond to the many changes. We could sit around and complain to whomever would listen, or we could embrace the changes and look for the grace of God and the lessons from God in the changes. While we have certainly done the former to some extent, I am pleased to say we have mostly done the latter. We have seen God do things in us and through us that would not have been part of our life if we had stayed where we were and failed to follow God into this new season.

Some of my friends have bemoaned my current situation where I am not preaching weekly. I share their dismay that God would ask me to enter this place of ministry where one of my primary gifts is not being exercised in its usual context. Yet in this place, God is doing things in me as I trust Him. Especially as I trust Him to know what He's doing with me. (In this case its mostly, I think, about reminding me that He is not overly impressed with my abilities, He's more impressed with my willingness to trust Him. He can find many who can preach. Fewer who are willing to trust Him.) He's giving me the privilege of serving Him in areas that stretch my abilities and my comfort zone. The outcome of this is that any good that results from what I do more clearly comes from God's strength and grace than my abilities and spiritual gifts. In other words, God gets more glory because I can't say, "Aw, shucks, it tweren't nothin'" because it really is something. Something that God is doing with me, but also beyond me as I press into Him. In my former ministry it was sometimes easy to slip into, "Here's what's going to happen, so I just need to do this." In this season it is more often, "What is God going to do in this situation?" I do what I am able, then God does what I could never do.

It's been difficult. It's been rewarding. It's been a wild ride. It reminds me of the season after I left a church I loved in Orange County more than 20 years ago. It was one of the hardest seasons in my life. But I wouldn't trade what I learned about God and what I learned about me for all the comfort Orange County (or the world) has to offer.

Weep With Those Who Weep

There are seasons in my life when I particularly appreciate the Scripture that says God will wipe away every tear. Sometimes I think those tears are the tears of regret as we realize, standing before God, all that we could have done or said that would have honored Him. Sometimes I think they are tears of joy in seeing God as He is and knowing He loves us completely, just as He said. Sometimes I think they are lingering tears of sadness over all the losses we experienced in this life. Certainly at the heart of this passage is the promise that there will be no more tears.

This week I have found tears falling on more than one occasion. The tears certainly involved the awareness of the loss of lives and property in Southern California due to the wildfires. But the tears got much closer to home when our daughter and her husband discovered that the baby they had only recently discovered was growing in the womb, had stopped growing. Our grown daughter and her husband, looking forward to the joy and challenge of parenting, were now deeply feeling the grief and loss.

I don't have all the answers when these events occur, but I know that part of the answer is that we live in a world that is still groaning to be re-made because of sin. I know part of the answer is that even from the start, mankind is limited. Fragile. I know part of the answer is that even in this God can be honored in spite of our unanswered questions. I also know part of the answer is found in Paul's second letter to the Christians at Corinth. He says,

3 All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! 4 He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. 5 We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

Already my daughter and her husband have found others who have experienced this deep loss. As my wife put it, they have joined a group that no one wants to be part of. But in that group they are finding comfort, encouragement, mutual support and people who know what they are going through. In that group, God is there alongside them. After all, He also knows what it is like to lose a child.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Beginning Saturday I will only work with the church where I've been privileged to be interim as a behind the scenes coach. (There is a pastor being considered for full-time, long-term position.) This will take about 10 hours a week instead of the current 20 as interim. While I've appreciated the role I've played in this local church, I also look forward to being more focused on my work with the District. My mind races to all the ways I can be of help to pastors and churches within our geographic area. Churches are full of people and people are full of surprises. There will seldom be a dull minute.

Next week I'll join the other Directors as we look ahead to the next year and see if we can discern both our individual role and the specific areas where we need to be involved, and also our collective direction and what it will take to help the pastors and churches we serve to "glorify God by multiplying healthy churches among all people."

If you're a person who prays, join me in praying that our Directors keep the big picture in mind as we move into 2008 and not get bogged down in the administrivia. Each of these Directors wants most of all for God to be honored and for people to come to Jesus.

Remembering How Middle-Class I Am

I found myself without a car this past week, so I rode the bus to work. Two things impressed me. One was how different I was from most of those riding the bus. My clothes, my skin tone, my accent. The second was how limited I was in what I could do. Most days I run errands after work. Go grocery shopping, pick up dinner, buy an iced coffee drink. I couldn't do any of those things because I didn't have the change necessary to get back on the bus if I were to stop along the way.

All this reminded me of how much I take for granted the life-style to which I've grown accustomed. What's it like to have to plan your day around the bus schedule? How do you get your groceries home if you don't have a trunk in which to put them? Expectations are funny things. Since I expect to get in my own car and drive myself to exactly where I want to go, I don't think about what it would take to do it some other way.

All this to say, I found myself praying for those who lack the resources to live life the way they'd like to. I'm praying for those whose choices are far more limited than mine. And I'm praying that I will never take for granted the resources I have, but will live with open hands toward those with less.

Preach, Pray or Die

The Bible college I attended often emphasized the need to be ready to "preach, pray or die" at a moment's notice. That came home this week when I was asked last Wednesday to preach at a church in the Bay area this Sunday. I began to pray that I would choose a passage that will speak to this congregation at this season in their corporate and individual lives. (I think God has answered this prayer.) I prayed that I would not be overly concerned about preaching in a new setting among people with whom I have no prior relationship. (I keep drifting into concern, so I keep praying.) I prayed that God would once again use the foolishness of preaching to draw some to Himself. (I'll know God's answer to this sometime after I'm there.) I continue to pray that God will quiet my heart as I marinate in the passage I've chosen to preach. (I have seasons of quiet followed by moments of panic.)

By noon on Sunday, I will have preached and prayed. Hopefully I won't have "died" as a preacher. For those who know me, I ask you to join me in prayer. Ask God to use His word to transform lives.

Death is Present With Us

Death is present with us every day of our lives, it behooves us to take note of its nearness, not as a threat, but as our common experience on the way to grace. —Abbot Radulfus in The Leper of St. Giles by Ellis Peters

In addition to the recent, unexpected bridge collapse in Minneapolis, in my circle of friends there are have been, what seems to be, an increased incidence of death and near-death experiences of family and friends. I received a phone call last evening from a friend in Santa Margarita whose dad went in for a routine procedure and is now in critical condition. A friend in Huntington Beach was on vacation with his parents when his father suffered a serious heart incident.

All of these situations remind us that life is, in fact, what Isaiah describes in the Hebrew scriptures,

“Shout that people are like the grass.
Their beauty fades as quickly as the flowers in a field.
The grass withers and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the Lord.
And so it is with people."

As the Abbot in the above-mentioned novel points out, this is not a threat. It is a fact of life that God intends to use to help us to live fully in this life and to prepare fully for the next. Maybe it’s middle-age, and the limitations that come with it, but I find myself less enamored with what I can do and more receptive to what God can do. Death has a way of putting my earthly life in context.

Meandering

I am currently reading A Contrarian's Guide to Knowing God, Spirituality for the Rest of Us by Larry Osborne. In the chapter entitled, "The Case for Meandering," Larry writes, "Have you ever noticed that most of our programs and models for spiritual development follow a strict linear pattern?...Yet, if we stop and look back at our own spiritual journey, few of us will find anything close to a neatly laid out linear path. For most of us, the road to spiritual growth and maturity is more like a meandering path punctuated by occasional stretches of unexpected twists and turns...In reality, most spiritual growth happens on a haphazard need-to-grow or need-to-know basis. As life happens, we're suddenly confronted with the need for personal growth or more biblical information in an area of life that up to now hasn't seemed all that important."

I certainly echo Larry's observation. While it has been good to be in Bible studies that have given me some foundation of understanding who God is and what He has done and what He expects of His children, most of my spiritual growth has come during those need-to-grow and need-to-know times when what I thought was true about myself or God was challenged by the messy-ness of life. It was in those seasons I was able to move from a strictly cognitive understanding of God's truth to an experiential understanding of God's truth.

Those who know me have heard me tell of those class notes from Multnomah School of the Bible (the finest Bible college in the world) at the top of which I had scrawled, "Damned through Multnomah School of the Bible." Those were the days when what I was "learning" was simply information. I had no way to really tell if or when I might need to know that information. But in the ensuing years, as I've walked with God, it has been half-remembered class notes and, much more often, brothers and sisters in Christ, who have pointed me to the truth I needed to know and live during those seasons of having what I thought I knew challenged by the daily-ness of life.

If you've been a Christian longer than about a week you already know that there is no FastTrak® pass or Express Lane to get you to maturity. It is a "long obedience in the same direction."

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye...

This is a copy of what I've written to the church where I've been privileged to serve the past 10 months. It reflects my ambivalence at having to make yet another transition, but it also, I hope, reveals my heart for this group of believers in Jesus.

"August 31 will be my last day on the payroll of EFCHB. The EFCAWest district has asked me to come on full-time with them as Director of Administration and Credentialing. As my time with you is winding down I want to take a moment to thank you, as a Body, for enfolding Sharon and I. You may have noticed recently that when I use the pronoun "we" these days, it refers to EFCHB. That demonstrates, in a small way, that Sharon and I have made a significant transition. Most of you know that after 16 years with a wonderful group of people on the Central Coast of California, the move to Orange County has been quite traumatic. You have helped us be less home sick and we appreciate that.

Looking back on our 10 months together, I am quick to confess that I have not always done things the way they should have been done. I have moved too quickly on some changes, not quickly enough on others. I have pushed too hard in some areas and not hard enough in others. It’s a lot like parenting, you see, in that you never get it quite right and you don’t know how you’re doing until you see how your children are turning out.

Recently I likened my early months at EFCHB to a two-year-old who plants beans in his mom’s garden and then digs them up each day to see if their growing. I’ve been impatient at times, knowing that my time with you was going to be short. When you look back at my time with you I hope you will do what I want my own children to do: 'Remember the good things, forgive the bad things and know that I love you.' "

Position is Everything

Last Sunday, during worship, I did what the song we were singing suggested. I bowed down before God. It felt a little strange. And the fact that I am in the front row caused me a moment's pause wondering if people would be concerned as to whether I was feeling o.k. In addition, I didn't want to draw attention to myself, I wanted to honor the Lord in one of the ways He has said is appropriate. So I knelt there on the floor singing of my submission to God while assuming a posture of submission.

Those who know me know that I am not much of a mystic in my theology or practice. But I must tell you that since last Sunday I have been particularly sensitive to who God is and what He has done for me. As I write this I am at the Leadership Conference for my denomination. In each worship service I have found myself in tears as I have been reminded of God's great love for me who has nothing to offer except everything I am and everything I have. That sounds like a lot unless you understand what He paid for you.

I don't understand all that God is stirring in me. I've tried to pass it off as sleep deprivation (the brother-in-Christ with whom I am sharing a room snores enough to rattle the windows). But there is something more. I am humbled to know that God loved me enough to die in my place. I am humbled to know that God has used me to further His kingdom. I am humbled to know that God has given me the wife I need and whom I love. But there is something more. My position in worship reinforces my position in Him. Having assumed the position, I am aware of my total dependence on God for my salvation and the life that proceeds from that. Why does bowing doing this? I don't have all the answers, but I suspect it has something to do acknowledging physically what is true of us spiritually. Let me suggest one more thing as I close. We're going to be bowing a lot in heaven, according to the Bible, so we might as well get some practice in now.

Ripples on the Water

Joanne Shetler, veteran Wycliffe missionary, often uses the analogy of ripples on the water to describe what happens when we touch the lives of others for Jesus.  Sharon and I saw this again last evening as we sat with a young woman who grew up in our church on the Central Coast of California.  She is currently working in Wyoming with the Navigators, a ministry that includes outreach to college campuses.  She graduated from Cal State Long Beach in 2006 and in the Fall of that year began a two year ministry working on a college campus, investing in the lives of students to help them know Jesus and then know him better.  This girl was about a second grader when we arrive in Margarita.  She was a good friend to our daughter and she was on the leadership of our High School class at the church.  Many people invested in her life.  Now she's returning the favor, multiplying the outreach.  Going places we could never go.  God touched us.  We touched others.  They touch others.  It's great to be part of what God is doing worldwide.

They'll Love You For It

Last week I wrote about the importance of speaking the truth. In passing I mentioned a situation in which I was talking with an elder. Neither he nor I would enjoy the dialogue, but it was important to talk about the issues. His response, his willingness to listen and, where necessary, change, was a model to me of what is spoken of in Proverbs 9. In The Message, Eugene Peterson translates it this way:

7 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. 8 So don't waste your time on a scoffer; all you'll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life, that's different—they'll love you for it! 9 Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it; tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it. 10 Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God, insight into life from knowing a Holy God.

This elder is one who "cares about life." He didn't love what I had to say, but he loved me for saying it. He is an example of why it is important to speak the truth, in love.

The Disillusioning Truth

Over the past week I have seen once again that, as Elllis Peters' fictional monk-turned-detective, Brother Cadfael, put it, "The truth is never a wrong answer." Watching and listening to my church staff discuss, at times a bit heatedly, some issues among themselves. Working with staff members as they talk with parents about something that went on in their ministry. Talking to an elder about his role on the elder board. In each of these situations the truth was difficult to speak and, in some cases, difficult to hear. But in each case, the truth was the right answer. Only by speaking the truth could we deal with "what is" rather than what we "wish was" or hoped "would be." When you think about it, in addition to being a reflection of God's character, telling the truth also makes more sense for living disillusioned lives. In his book, Exit Interviews, William Hendricks writes, "… consider the nature of disillusionment. Before you can be dis-illusioned, you must have an illusion. By definition, an illusion is an image, a mirage, a fiction. It is something that seems real but is not… God never wants us to relate to Him on the basis of a lie… Thank God for disillusionment!"

On the Other Hand

Biblical truth is full of both/and. Last Friday I wrote about how great God is to take even my sin, intentions and choices and work them together for good. The balance to that truth is that my sin, intentions and choices have consequences. Take the story of Joseph, for instance.

While Joseph could honestly say that "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people," Moses also records that Jacob had suffered for years over the loss of Joseph because he believed Joseph was dead. Joseph suffered in prison for being falsely accused by Potiphar's wife, a situation that would never have arisen had not his brothers sold him into slavery. Moses records the guilt and family problems that were generated out of the brothers' envy of Joseph and their subsequent kidnapping of him, selling him to the Ishmaelites and lying to their father about Joseph's fate. Moses records the shame the brothers felt all the years Joseph was gone, presumed dead or lost in slavery. None of the participants in this story knew its outcome. They only knew the painful consequences of their choices. Their sin.

Paul lived with this tension. In Romans 6, after clearly saying that our salvation is secure in Christ, goes on to write, "So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? I should hope not!"

Sin complicates life. God is greater than our sin.

How Great is our God?

I'm reading through the Bible again this year, but using a different format. It takes me through an Old Testament book, then a New Testament book while, at the same time, taking me through Psalms, Proverbs and Isaiah. My reading this morning was from late in Genesis where Joseph is being reunited with the brothers who sold him into slavery. In the meantime, Joseph has become second only to Pharaoh in Egypt.

When he finally reveals himself as the brother whom they had long assumed was dead, he makes the profound statement, three times, that God had sent him ahead of his brothers to make sure they would survive the wide spread famine. ("God sent me before you to preserve life." "God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth..." "..it was not you who sent me here, but God.")

God is able to use even our worst sins and worst intentions and worst decisions as part of the fabric of His plan and purpose to bring about good and His glory. That does not make those sins, intentions and decisions good. It makes our God great. His purposes will not be hindered, even with our waywardness. Don't ask me to explain the intricacies of how this all works together. I know I sin. I know God works all things together for good without being the author of my sin. That is as close as I can get to explaining the providence of God as it relates to my free will.

Our God is great who "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NASB)

Happy Anniversary to Me

It was one year ago last night that I was meeting with my Home Fellowship Group on the Central Coast of California. We were listening to a Hugh Hewitt CD. He talked about the importance of Christians engaging their culture. Hugh is big on blogs and suggested every pastor should have one. My group looked at me and I caved. I went home that night, set up blog and wrote a brief introduction to the process. The next day, one year ago today, I wrote my first "real" blog. After a few weeks I was discouraged by the lack of response (I thought surely millions would engage me in dialogue about the pithy, erudite comments I had written.), but then I realized this process was more for me than for those who might read it. By the very discipline of putting my thoughts, random as they are, down on the electronic page, I was able to see more clearly what I had been thinking about and what God had been doing in my life.

So, I continue to write. It's only about once a week (with that long break between October and May when the transition hit the hardest), but it helps me. If you've read something that helps you, too, that's an added blessing.

Better Together

Having been recently uprooted from long-term relationships and ministry connections, I have become even more aware of the importance of "life together." My wife and I are plotting a home group where we can know and be known by a small group of Christians who will be able to encourage and challenge us in our relationship with Jesus. We need other believers who will help keep us from lying to ourselves about how we are doing spiritually, emotionally and relationally. It is possible, even with close relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ, to hide what is going on in our lives. But it is more difficult.

When God created mankind, He said that it was not good to be alone. I know the primary application of the passage refers to a marriage relationship, but as the redemption story unfolds in Scripture it is clear that God also had in mind the community of faith, the family of God, who will walk alongside us in this journey. I believe it was Augustine who said that a person cannot have God as his Father who does not have the church as his mother. We were meant to be in relationship with God in the context of a relationship with other children of God. It is the rare and difficult situation where a Christian is an "only child." It happens in countries in which Christians are persecuted or who are geographically isolated. But this is not the norm in God's Kingdom. T.S. Elliott wrote, "What life have you if you have not life together?" As I often say, "The Christian life was meant to be personal, but it was never meant to be private."

Being 90

My mother-in-law turned 90 a few weeks ago. Last weekend we held an extravaganza in her honor. She rode in on a large motorcycle, driven by one of her sons-in-law. She had a decorated faux leather jacket and decorated tennis shoes. She is everyone's hero. But for me, what sets her apart is not so much her longevity, as impressive as that is, but her faithful walk with Christ. She's been through a lot in her 90 years, but she has held on to Jesus because she knows He is hanging on to her. She doesn't doubt that her Savior is ever present to her. She doesn't doubt His goodness, even when the circumstances seem to point to the contrary. She doesn't doubt His love for her, even when the people around her act unlovely and sometimes even unlovable.

Yes, Anina is my hero. Not for the length of her life, but for the depth of her faith.

Ways and Means

This will come as no surprise to those who know me. I'm reading a Eugene Peterson book. This is the latest in his series on Practical Theology and is entitled, The Jesus Way. I'm only part way through, but already I'm having to think once again about this life God has called us to. Here are some passages I've underlined that are causing me to look again at "church."

"A Christian congregation, the church in your neighborhood, has always been the primary location for getting this way and truth and life of Jesus believed and embodied in the places and among the people with whom we most have to do day in and day out.

A Christian congregation is a company of praying men and women who gather, usually on Sundays, for worship, who then go into the world as salt and light...God means to do something with us, and he means to do it in community. We are in on what God is doing, and we are in on it together.

The great American innovation in congregation is to turn it into a consumer enterprise...If we have a nation of consumers, obviously the quickest and most effective way to get them into our congregations is to identify what they want and offer it to them...this is the best and most effective way that has ever been devised for gathering large and prosperous congregations...There is only one thing wrong: this is not the way in which God brings us into conformity with the life of Jesus and sets us on the way of Jesus' salvation. This is not the way in which we become less and Jesus becomes more. This is not the way in which our sacrificed lives become available to others in justice and service.

Only when the Jesus way is organically joined with the Jesus truth do we get the Jesus life."

Fridays are the new Monday...Sorta

For many years, while serving the Santa Margarita Community Church, I took Mondays as a day of rest. Not a day off, as we Americans think of it (running errands, mowing lawns, doing chores, etc.) No, this was a day of disconnecting from the normal everyday experiences of life in order to connect with God and my family.

Since the move to Orange County, this has been difficult to duplicate because of the two part-time ministries. The demands and unique schedules of each are such that it has been difficult to carve out an entire day.

I still haven't found an entire day, but I've found a half day. Friday mornings. I read. I pray. I listen to music. I blog. I unplug from the usual demands of life in the twenty-first century. To some it may seem a "waste" of time. But at the beginning of the twentieth century, Charles Spurgeon, the prince of preachers, wrote:

"Rest time is not waste. It is economy to gather fresh strength. Look at the mower in the summer’s day, with so much to cut down ere the sun sets. He pauses in his labor — is he a sluggard? He looks for his stone, and begins to draw it up and down his scythe, with a rink-a-tink, rink-a-tink. Is that idle music? Is he wasting precious moments? How much might he have mowed while he has been ringing out those notes on his scythe! But he is sharpening his tool, and he will do far more when once again he gives strength to those sweeps which lay the grass prostrate in rows before him. Nor can the fisherman always be fishing; he must mend his nets. So even our vacation can be one of the duties laid upon us by the kingdom of God."

Eventually I hope to have an entire day again. But for now I'll take what I can get. It brings new meaning to "Thank God it's Friday."