I Wanna Be Dead

When we knew that Anina was entering her last days we talked about how we wanted to prepare our two granddaughters (Raya, aged 4 and Abby, aged 3).  They are at the house with us and their great-grandma (whom they refer to as grandma) three days a week and grandma's dying could not be hidden as she became less mobile and more bedridden.  We talked to them about how sick grandma was and how one day grandma would leave us to be with Jesus.  Last Saturday the girls went into Anina's room to say goodbye because they were going home.  They each gave her a kiss and grandma placed her hand on each of their heads in a very "matriarchal blessing" kind of way.  By the time the girls had returned on Tuesday, Anina had stepped into eternity.

Sharon and I decided to keep Anina's room, including the hospital bed, just as it had been for the past five weeks.  On Tuesday we let the girls climb up on Anina's now empty bed.  They got to raise and lower the head and foot of grandma’s hospital bed for each other and Kristi took them for a ride around the block in grandma’s wheel chair.

On Wednesday morning the girls repeated their adventures with grandma's supplies.  That afternoon the medical supply company came and took back the hospital bed, the wheel chair, the oxygen tanks and other medical supplies.  On Wednesday night we moved Anina’s twin bed back into the room.

When the girls arrived yesterday they climbed onto the bed and began looking for the controls that would elevate the bed.  They were disappointed to find that the bed was just an ordinary bed again.

Just a short while later Raya was lying on the floor and Abby came to get me from my home office.  “Coco is sick” she said.  I went out to the living room and picked Coco (Raya) up.  Abby told me I needed to take her to grandma’s bed.  When I lay Raya down, I said to Abby, “Coco is sleeping.”  Raya said, “No, I’m dead.”  At that point Abby piped up, “I wanna be dead.”  (Abby wants to do whatever Raya is doing and she figured it must be her turn.)

We wanted our granddaughters to see death as part of life but I don’t think I was prepared for them to "play dead.”  As a culture we have removed dying from the home and institutionalized it.  In his book, The Christian Art of Dying, Allen Verhey points out that in 1945, 40% of deaths occurred in a hospital.  By 1995, 90% of deaths occurred in a hospital.  In fifty short years our culture removed dying from the daily-ness of life.

I am still astounded when 20 and 30-somethings tell me they have never been to a funeral or a memorial service for anyone.  My oldest daughter, who has been to many memorial services, pointed out that being with her grandma when she died was the first time she had been around a dead body.

At first I was a bit taken aback by Raya and Abby’s game of death but then I remembered what Jesus said during a discussion about John the baptizer.  John was very austere and people didn’t respond.  Jesus was very gracious and people didn’t respond.  To illustrate how the people didn’t like either Jesus’ or John’s ministry, Jesus said, “They are like children playing a game in the public square. They complain to their friends, ‘We played wedding songs, and you didn’t dance, so we played funeral songs, and you didn’t weep.’” (Luke 7:32  NLT)  Evidently my granddaughters’ game has a long and illustrious history.  I have seen them play wedding.  I had never seen them play dead.

I’m not sure we’re ready as a culture to put the body on a door and leave it in the living room for a few days while everyone comes by to express their condolences (although I can see the advantages), but I do think we would be more mindful of our lives if we were more aware of our deaths.  I’m not sure I want my granddaughters playing “I wanna be dead” all the time, but I do want them to grow up knowing that physical death is part of earthly life.  I want death to hold no fear for them because they, like their great-grandma Anina, know that the life, death and resurrection of Jesus changes death from something to be feared to something to be welcomed.  Death, as Billy Graham once said, goes from being a hopeless end to being an endless hope.

As the writer to the Hebrew Christians put it: "Because God’s children are human beings—made of flesh and blood—the Son also became flesh and blood. For only as a human being could he die, and only by dying could he break the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Only in this way could he set free all who have lived their lives as slaves to the fear of dying. We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham. Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people.  (Hebrews 2:14-17 NLT)

On this week that looks back at the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus we can say along with Paul, "'O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?' For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:55-57 NLT)