Transitions

Transitions have always been a challenge for Sharon and me.  So this new season in which we no longer have to consider Anina’s needs or wants will be a bit of a challenge.  As Sharon and I departed for our three-day get away Sharon noted that it was going to be interesting to see if we still have things to talk about now that Anina is gone.  Both explicitly and implicitly, Anina always had to be considered, much as our children did when they were still living at home.  They were not the center of our world, but they were definitely a primary consideration in choices and changes.

We have been here before.  When our three very special children had all launched there was a brief season in which we did not have to take them into consideration as a primary factor in what we would do or where we would go or how we would spend our time or money.  Then in 2006 we made the decision to be near, and eventually move in with, my mother-in-law in Southern California.  An interesting thing I noticed is that living with Anina was similar to living with children, but in reverse. 

When we first moved in with her it was like having nearly-grown children.  She didn’t have to ask permission to go places or do things, she just had to let us know where she was.  And vice-versa.  As the time went on she became more dependent on us, which was more like raising younger children.  At the end it became like having a baby.  We couldn’t really be gone without having someone to sit with her.  We had to factor in the costs of caregiving when deciding what we could and couldn’t do.

On these days away we are only briefly talking about what comes next.  We are mostly just relaxing, reading, reflecting and being restored before life begins to take on the “new normal” with the end of my sabbatical and the renewing of our life commitments like grandchildren and our home group.  What will be different is the level of stress and sense of responsibility for Anina which will be gone.  If the life group wants to stay past 9:30 pm they can.  If the grandkids want to be a bit noiser in the afternoon when Anina used to rest, they can.  And we can journey to the Central Coast more often to visit Jedidiah and his parents.

Next week we will begin our transition in earnest as we begin to clear out closets and the garage and rearrange our living spaces.  It will be difficult but our new lives will also begin to take shape.  If you’re one of those who prays, pray for us as we journey into the next season of our lives.  Choices have consequences. We want to make choices that will benefit each other and those around us.  We want to bear fruit that reflects the character of God.  We typically don't do transitions well.  Maybe that's why God keeps giving us opportunities to practice.