Simply Stay

Many of you know that Sharon and I moved back to Southern California in 2006 to be nearer my mother-in-law, Anina Walberg.  Initially it was to help her navigate life on her own.  Our presence made it possible for her to live in her home, attend her church, shop at her stores.  In the early years of our return we didn't do much but be here to encourage and help.  During the first year we lived in a small apartment nearby and visited often.  During the second year we actually moved in to help with the upkeep of the home, provide her some additional income and assist in any way we could.  More recently we have had to be more proactive and involved in helping her continue her life in her home of more than 35 years as her mobility and health have become more of a challenge.

This past week Anina made the decision to not to have an invasive surgery that may have prolonged her life but also carried with it many possible complications because of her advanced age. (She turns 97 in mid-April.) The surgery would also not have addressed the underlying cause of the blockage in her pancreas even if the procedure were successful.

So beginning this past weekend we have been introduced to the world of hospice.  No one can say how long this will last.  We have heard many stories already that range the gamut from weeks to years.  But in reading Virginia Stem Owens' book, "Caring for Mother: A Daughter's Long Goodbye" I found a metaphor for this season in our life with Anina.

"...it often seemed as if she were trapped under the rubble of an earthquake...All I could do was squat beside the avalanche, listening for any sign of life; sometimes I could hear a faint but familiar echo of her voice or gesture from under the heap...[In writing this book] My highest hope, however is that, while these words will not lessen the anxiety or alleviate the anguish, they will brace you for your own hard vigil.  Do what you can to comfort with your presence when there is nothing else to be done.  Like earthquake survivors waiting near those trapped in the debris, simply stay."